Sober
by GashouseGables
Summary: Dating is messy, and that's not just Alice's daddy-issues talking. Jasper delivers a revelation that sends her reeling. References alcoholism/alcohol abuse.


Hello people! I'm back and I have something mildly angsty for you!

* * *

 _The coffee shop was painfully industrial and Alice really only liked their muffin selection. It was quiet, just before the usual lunch rush. They'd both gotten there early._

" _I just hate that it had to end like that, yesterday ..." Jasper said, scuffing his shoe on the floor as he sat across from her. Alice shrugged, knowing his visit last night wasn't great; they'd argued about a friend of his; a person Alice didn't like, but an old friend._

" _I know, we should probably wait to discuss it another time." She says gently. He'd texted; 'come have a quick lunch downstairs, please'. And she was glad to. Alice hated the type of guys that brooded and remained miffed or silent – like her big brother – but Jasper was all too willing to try and have another talk. That was why he was just so perfectly her type._

 _He looked slightly downcast, a little crease in between his eyes. "Well, thanks for meeting with me, anyway. I would hate to end this on a bad note." He shrugs in an easy way with one shoulder. She blinked, and her smile went a little uncertain._

" _End last night on a bad note?" She clarified. Sure, the fight had been awkward, but it wasn't half so bad, really, Alice hadn't planned on staying the night anyway, and still left him with a quick kiss._

 _Jasper nods vaguely. "Yeah, last night ..." he points to himself and then her and back again, "this." He looked sad._

 _She almost snorted. "Wait, what are you talking about?" She asks, almost at a laugh, "What's ending? Us?" She asked incredulously._

" _Yeah, we had a fight, so ..." He shrugs again, looking away from her. Alice could have almost laughed then, since his train of thought certainly explained his mood._

" _What, you always break up with someone after a little fight?" She asks him, before shaking her head, "Jasper, we're not over just because of this." She says gently._

" _... Really? We're not over?" He had an almost ridiculously hopeful look in his eye._

 _She grinned. "Yeah, I don't end relationships due to squabbles," Alice paused, and made sure to check Jasper's expression, "unless you want ...?"_

" _No!" He says quickly, and she smiles again. He smiles back at her, looking chagrined, if relieved. She could have laughed at his silliness, but she knew this was a long relationship for him, and now she knew why. Alice was eyeing his blueberry muffin, when she noticed how his fingers danced along the rim of his coffee cup. "... So we're in a relationship?" He asked quietly._

 _It was times like this, in hindsight, that reminded her that she was also new to dating this long, she just didn't have the same upbringing. "Of course!" She says airily, "I'm over at your place every other night ..." Then she notices his apparent confusion. "What? Three months of dating around, just being a little more than friends ... and then six months of us." She said slowly. She felt a little silly, but she enjoyed talking about how they started. Rising shyness in her chest, she let out a small nervous laugh and continued._

" _Remember, you were seeing Charlotte and Rosalie and stuff, and I had gone on a few dates with Mike, but when I was going to go back to Mike's place after our group went out, and you said, 'who does that to a guy?' and I went back with you! I mean, that's when I considered_ us _started." She explains quickly. Maybe Jasper considered their relationship exclusive much sooner or a little later than that, but that was only two days before he'd stumbled out of her room in just his jeans from last night and right into her visiting brother. That was when she met his pet cat, newly un-strayed, old and grouchy._

 _His mouth was open, "If I knew, babe, if I knew ..." He was scrabbling for a grip on this conversation, "Look, I love that, I want that too." At the time, she hadn't thought anything of it, Jasper was being weird because of their first fight, that was all._

" _What?" She said carelessly, reaching over to his plate. "You lost me, gimme your muffin." Alice told him, plucking it from him._

" _Yeah," he says distractedly, "I thought maybe it was a little more than casual, I wanted, I'm sorry, I didn't know we were ... a thing." Her gaze snapped up to him._

 _Jasper looked shocked, he looked upset, he looked guilty. Her stomach clenched and dropped about the two feet into her shoes. It dawned on her that you weren't really supposed to be met with surprise by your boyfriend, after reminding him that he was indeed your boyfriend._

" _Oh my god," She heard herself saying, softly, though all that she heard in her head was one long wail._

" _I'm sorry, I'm really sorry." He says quickly, and stands a little, stuffing a hand in his pocket, "I'll ring Rose right now, I'll tell her-" He says, almost frantic; but not half as frantic as Alice was._

" _You're still seeing Rosalie!?" She snaps. She runs her hands through her hair, pulling away from the table, and staring at his horrified face. "Oh my god," she glanced around a little too quickly, glad her met no one's curious gaze as she backed away from the table. "I have to go-"_

" _Babe, wait!" He doesn't run after her; she scurried straight back into her office building._

 _She's glad it's next door, she's glad she got out of her tiny hometown. Here, she was another woman in a dowdy jacket and skirt. No one saw anything odd in a woman rushing back to work, shouldered past people leaving for lunch. Here, Alice was swamped by this large city; it gave her the safety to nurse her breaking heart._

0o0

And now here she was, embarrassed, and upset, and putting her phone on silent after texting him to just leave her be for the rest of the day. Because she was at work; she had about five full-colour A5 pages to ink and no time to spare about her relationship that wasn't.

Was it cheating if Jasper didn't even think they were dating? What was Alice going to tell her parents or her brother? Or her co-workers? Or _his friends_.

Her family and co-workers thought Jasper was her boyfriend, because she told them so. His friends must have thought she was so stupid. And if he didn't know they were an item, his friends must have seen her as a stupid, silly little girl making a fool of herself. Rosalie, who she thought she was on good terms with, probably thought she was an idiot.

Rosalie had also probably seen her underwear that she left in his apartment, and that was just deeply unsettling. And her toothbrush and the picture of her own high school picture she'd stuck to his fridge for his own delight.

And Jasper thought they weren't together. Jasper thought they were a casual fling, and he'd been seeing other girls. Could she even get angry with him?

They hadn't had that conversation, he hadn't met her parents, and she never asked if he was seeing anyone else. She had just made assumptions without even a little of his input, and now she knew she'd been embarrassing herself in front of everyone.

Oh god, her best friend needed to know right now.

She called Bella and tried not to cry openly as she hid in the weird old bathroom no one really used.

" _Hey_ , Ally! I'm on my snack break so you'll have to do most of the talking!" Bella sings into the phone, muffled with food.

She let out a pathetic whine in place of a greeting. "Bella, I've been so stupid and there's only myself to blame! Jasper and I weren't exclusively dating. I've been under this impression we were boyfriend and girlfriend for six whole months and he didn't even _know_. We never really had the exclusive discussion and he never thought I was his girlfriend and now everyone's probably thinking I'm the biggest idiot on the planet!" She babbled, feeling hot tears prickle her eyes.

"Wait, what?" Bella practically shouted into the phone, "I'll kill him! That rat bastard! I'm-"

Alice focused on not blinking, desperately trying to stop her mascara from running. "No, Bella, you don't understand – I didn't have The Talk with him! We didn't exchange keys, make it Facebook official, meet each other's parents, talk about being together – it was all my own idea! I'm so embarrassed I could die!" She groaned, almost embarrassed with the list of monogamy she had painted; it was so high school – no wonder she hadn't even thought to talk to Jasper about it.

"Alice, you spend pretty much every night at Jasper's place, he asked you to feed his cat when he was out of town over the weekend – you were together!" Bella spluttered. "He's a commitment-phobic, asshole jerk who was just toying with you! He didn't think you were exclusive – did he cheat on you? Because if he did I'm going to rip his balls off!"

"Except you're forgetting, Bella, that you have to actually _be_ in a relationship to cheat!" Alice said, feeling like she was going around in circles – spiralling a little. "Jazz just thought this was casual – sex friends! I've never been sex-friends with anyone, so I didn't understand and now there's so much egg on my face I could call it a new type of facial!" She explained. She didn't even want to be sex friends with Jasper, she'd _wanted_ to be his girlfriend, she was never the type of person to want to be sex friends.

"Oh my gosh Alice, I am trying to understand how this isn't his fault, but after six months he should have realised this himself. It's unacceptable. No, he doesn't deserve your tears. It's Friday; stay at mine tonight. I have to go; my lunch is almost up." She sounded apologetic, and Alice almost laugh a little hysterically. For a moment, she was thrown back into high school; remembering the time where Bella almost got fired because she'd ditched the rest of her shift at the sunglasses kiosk to calm her down after she'd lost the art contest. Now they were real adults with real commitments.

"Yeah, yeah I'll come to yours." She agrees softly, breathing deeply to try and expel all the anxiety. "I'll see you."

"Stay strong, baby."

After she hung up, Alice washed her hands, and carefully pressed her wet fingers under her puffy eyes to hopefully deal with the was time to move on. She had work to do, and did not have not-boyfriends to despair over. She didn't let herself glance at her phone screen, the texts and messages that would tell her that Jasper was trying to talk to her.

0o0

She blew out a small sigh when she collapsed on Bella's couch. It was time to eat and relax. Bella was rummaging in the kitchen, looking for food for dinner like they weren't just going to order pizza.

"Let's get ice cream too." Bella decided, walking over and looking at Alice fondly. "You manage to get some work done?" She asked.

Alice nodded, smiling a little. "More than I thought I would. I'm fine, really." She says, waving her friend off good-naturedly. "I just need to chill out."

Bella nods, and then laughs. "Oh, boy-drama. It's so high school, back when I had long hair and dating Edward. Remember – you used to wear _so much_ eyeliner!"

Alice snorts, and manages a small smile back. "You know I rocked the raccoon look." She shot back.

Her frantic upset had passed now, leaving only embarrassment, and lingering humiliation. She wasn't even angry at Jasper, not really.

After being molested by a teacher and blown off by adults in his life since an attractive older woman couldn't be anything less than a god-send to a small, vulnerable fourteen-year-old. Alice knew he had issues with relationships. Especially since he was only used as proof of infidelity in her ugly divorce. She knew his _other_ issues too.

She should have been completely clear with what she wanted; she should have had the weird, awkward talk with him. But she didn't, and now she was completely mortified.

Bella seems to understand that she didn't feel like talking and reaches for the phone. "I'll order the pizza. The usual?" She prompts.

0o0

That night, Alice has a dream. It's less of a dream and more of a memory. It's her father, herself and her new step-mother; the woman who used to be her mother's in-home nurse.

 _The scissors sit in front of Alice; like a smoking gun. They'd already made her sweep up all the hair she cut off. She was biting down on her triumphant smile. Nurse Smith always said 'your hair is your one beauty, Alice' like such a backhanded compliment from Little Women would suddenly make her seem cultured instead of cruel._

 _Her father smiled, looking angry but disinterested. "Alice, why did you do this?" He asks heavily, as though he expected her answer to be; 'to waste your time, daddy'. "The wedding is tomorrow; we already discussed how the hairdresser was curling your hair." He reminded her, like it was her terrible memory that made her forget such an important detail._

 _She shrugs once. "I miss momma." Alice whispers. She felt small and helpless; she always did in front of her father. She felt like he'd rather squash her down than let her stand. Momma wasn't like that._

" _That's enough, young lady." He said heavily, his mouth thinning into a line. "We've had months and months to mourn, it's time for happiness." He reminded her impatiently._

 _Alice felt the words like a knife in her chest. "She died three weeks ago …." She says meekly._

 _He huffed and doesn't reply, Nurse Smith-Alice's step-mother puts a calming hand on his elbow. "She was fading much faster than that." Her step-mother said gently, and Alice had to bite her lip against the oncoming tears. "Alice, your hair was your one beauty!" She reminded her, lips pulled into some type of pout. "It's just such a hassle; we'll have to see what the hairdresser can do." She said to her fiance, waving Alice off with a smile._

 _After her daddy nods once, the young woman levels Alice with a stern look. But on her face it looks like only a grimace. "Now, you'll be happy for us, won't you?" She asked her coldly. Alice didn't reply, but neither of them seemed to notice. Her step-mother, smiles nicely at her father, tugging him out of his chair. "I think it's time we went to bed …." She said, leading her father out of the room and up the stairs. Leaving Alice staring at the shiny silver scissors and feeling the tears run down her cheeks._

 _Alice didn't have to pretend to be happy for them, either. They were too glad to send Alice North to a vague relation of Nurse Smith, a Ms Platt. She didn't miss anyone but Cynthia back in Mississippi. She never grew out her hair again._

0o0

The dream woke her with a heavy heart, but Alice had managed to have a pleasant night with Bella. They painted their nails and like always Alice berated Bella for biting hers down to the quick again.

She walked up to her third-floor apartment and stopped before her door. Jasper sat at her door, looking at her.

"Hi. You were at Bella's, right?" He smiles a little. "You've got pizza sauce on your shirt." She knew; she'd petted it off with a damp washcloth, but it was likely the stain was permanent.

She doesn't really want to speak to him. But she also knew it was inevitable, they had things in each other's apartments. "How long have you been here?" She asks him, curious.

He glances at that old watch, and sighs. "Just ... oh, two hours." He winces when he says it. "Sorry, that's creepy, I just wanted to speak to you. I brought flowers!" He stands up and shows her the group of yellow daisies, wrapped in blue plastic and ribbon. "Boyfriends bring flowers when they mess up." He explains graciously.

She takes them with a nod, trying to control her facial expression. "Not really the ideal reason to get flowers for the first time. But you can come in." Alice opens the door and goes straight to her room to dump her overnight bag. She wants to close the door to her room and hide from him; but that would probably be weirder than sitting outside her apartment for two hours. He sits on the couch, one knee bouncing.

"Alice, I really want to apologize. It was so stupid of me." He says when she sits on a chair near him. "I never meant to betray your trust, and I should have realized – we spend so much time together, and I really want to be with you. I want this." He lets out a large sigh and looks at her shaggy carpet.

She smiles hesitantly, working through what exactly she wanted to say. "That's really sweet, Jasper, I'm so glad you said that." Alice says honestly, "It's just ... this misunderstanding was really embarrassing, and I've realised maybe I need to be readier to communicate, even if I'm nervous about having the conversation." It was true; she even wrote it in her journal.

"Right, right," He agreed, and seemed almost chipper, as he knelt in front of her, reaching out and clasping her arm, trying to draw her closer to him. She drew back, not able to look at him. "What's wrong?" Jasper asks softly, "We're on the same page, now, so I won't mess up again. I promise." He says heavily.

She shakes her head. "It's not that." She said softly, and that might have only been partly true, "Jasper, I think maybe we don't ... mesh well. It's just, we were under such different impressions, _for six months_ , and never realized what the other was thinking! How can that work in a relationship?" She asks, her tone getting higher-pitched as anxiety bubbled in her gut.

Jasper frowned. "Well, now we aren't?" He prompted, and he stood, one hand reaching out for her elbow. She shakes her head and takes another step back; he drops his hands to his sides.

"Alice, come on, you have to still want to be with me, these six months have been so great with you. Just because I thought we weren't together doesn't mean I didn't really, really like it." He said, his voice awfully fond. "I want to be with you and just you." He insisted.

Alice shook her head, her eyes burning. But she wasn't going to cry over him again. "It's six months too late. I'm sorry, I just can't believe after meeting my big brother, and I fed your cat – and you were also seeing someone else." She said clearly, relieved her voice didn't break. She looked him straight in the eye. "I don't want to be with a boy like that."

Jasper started to shake his head. "I ended it, it was just friends with a lil' extra." He assured her, trying, it seemed, to keep light-hearted. "Alice, please, be with me. Be with me." There was almost a boyish glint in his eyes, some mounting excitement as he looked into her eyes. Like he liked the possibility of them together.

She wanted to say yes. But her pride was bruised, and she was so tired now. "I was! For six months before you even knew it! And I was just your friend with a little extra too!" She snapped, getting to her feet because even if he was over a foot taller than her she wouldn't be looked down on now. "I _hate_ that, I hate that I wanted more than you did, and you were fine with just being friends and I wanted so much, and you didn't even know, _and you were seeing someone else_." She wasn't sure why her ears were ringing until she realised she'd ended up shouting the last part of her rant.

Jasper looked stricken, and sad. He pulled his arms behind his back like he was stretching his shoulders; but Alice knew it was a nervous tick and didn't let it distract her. "I didn't understand, Alice, I swear I really want this too." He gasps.

"Do you even know why I'm upset?" She demanded.

"I fucked up," Jasper answered quickly, "I didn't even realise we were dating. Oblivious much?" He said, his smile shrivelled and odd on his strained face.

Alice shook her head, sucking in a deep breath. "I'm so embarrassed. I told my family, and my coworkers!" She found herself wringing her hands just thinking about all the people she told Jasper was her boyfriend. "And all your friends probably think I'm a delusional freak!"

Jasper squares his shoulders now, definitive. "Who cares what anyone else thinks?" He asks, incredulous. "Besides, you weren't wrong. I'm yours. Yours." He said gravely.

"No, you're not!" She almost moaned, turning her face away when he ducks his head to kiss her. " _I_ care what people think! I can't even order anything at a restaurant by myself because I care _so much_ what people think! The idea that I was just strutting around calling you my boyfriend while you were _fucking_ someone else and just saw me as a friend – I can't take it!" She was covering behind her own armchair while he stood next to her coffee table, looking like he'd just been shot. "Let's just call this a wash, okay?" She whispers.

"What?" Jasper asks, voice just as soft as hers. "No, I don't want to. I want to be with you." He insisted. "We were dating, I was the one that was confused, I want to be yours, come hell or highwater. Please, _please_." The last word was a desperate plea that broke her heart all over again.

"No, I don't want to." She lied, tears already running. It was humiliating; she couldn't deal with a relationship that started from her own massive misunderstanding. Something people would joke about in the future. She wanted it to be mutual, and romantic and gentle and something that no one could mock her for.

Jasper blinked rapidly, looking down at the carpet like it had just done something strange. "Alice, Alice, if you don't want to, then I'll go." Jasper said hoarsely, his eyes snapping up to bore straight into hers. "But I want to stay."

"I don't want you to stay." Alice whispers, dropping her eyes and looking at her own fingernails.

She doesn't look up when his footsteps, slow and excruciating, head for the door, or when it opens and closes again.

0o0

The knocking on the door revealed Rosalie. By the angry expression on her face, Alice knew she was going to hate this.

"I'm not some home-wrecker, you know." Rosalie said heatedly, glaring openly.

Alice was already nodding like her head was loose. Her skin crawled, knowing the amount of people that would know her business. She just didn't like making this much attention, not about her and Jasper. "I know that. Rosalie, it was my own misunderstanding, I swear-"

Rosalie threw her hands out. "You didn't even tell me you were dating, if you did I would have done the right thing!" She snapped, indignant. "I don't fuck my friends in relationships."

"I know!" Alice agrees hurriedly, panic flaring in her chest. "But we weren't dating!" She said, and she knew her voice was too wobbly, and she could only drop her eyes to the floor. "We weren't."

"He said you were, he said you broke up over it." Rosalie told her, her tone uncertain, it seemed, and maybe concerned. "I don't wanna be the reason for that." She insisted quietly.

Alice shook her head. "You're not." She said. "I thought we were in a relationship, but he didn't. We had the same relationship that you did, I just thought it was more." She explained, and it hurt all over again to say it. "It's just ... so embarrassing. I'm so sorry for all of this." She managed, and she wasn't sure how she was still breathing while it felt like her lungs were full of water.

Rosalie looks thrown, she reaches out and pets Alice clumsily on the arm. "Don't ... don't mention it." She said cautiously. "Are you okay?"

Alice nods miserably. "Yeah, I don't think you're a home-wrecker." She whispered. "I wanted to be your friend." That was the god honest truth. Rosalie was pretty, fierce, she never let creepy dudes grope Alice in the clubs and when they went out she was the type of girl to have Alice go to the bathroom with her.

"I think we're friends." Rosalie said. "I thought we had a dude in common. It's why I'm friends with Sammy and Katie." Rosalie could probably guess why Alice's jaw dropped, and she backed up quickly. "No, those are different guy's in common, I swear." She said. "Jasper's your dude though, all yours." She insisted.

"No, he's not." Alice said, and this time, the fact was easier to say. "I can't ... I ruined it, by not talking to him about it first."

Rosalie frowns. "He's really bummed." She said. "He yelled at me – at everyone. He thought we should have told him that he was in a relationship. Like – hello?" Rosalie wrinkled her nose, her distaste as prominent as her sarcastic tone. "It wasn't exactly obvious to the rest of us. 'We're not you, you should have figured it out yourself' that's what we said." Rosalie told her. "No one thinks you're in the wrong."

Alice smiles shakily. This entire conversation was so embarrassing; she had half a mind to just close the door in Rosalie's face and climb under the covers. "Thanks." She managed.

Rosalie nodded, and took a step back. "I'll go, okay." She said softly and began to turn away. "Feel better." She added before she left.

0o0

Edward was determined to humiliate himself and Alice in the process. Not only was it super scary to get a text from your oldest friend promising to 'give that lil shit what's coming to him', it was quickly made awkward running out to your ex-that's-not-really-an-ex's workplace – grimy bar turned hipster bar –to find said friend stewing in his car waiting for his shift to end. Alice banged loudly on his window, making him jump as she disrupted his brooding.

"You can't fight him!" She snapped as he climbed out of the car. Edward huffs at her, eyes narrowed.

"I'm not going to!" He snaps back, "I asked Jacob to come with me, but he said he ' _doesn't fight white boys'_ ," He said, fingers crooked to mention quotation marks, as he doesn't so much imitate Jacob as mockingly uses his words, "' _anymore_ '." He adds bitterly.

Alice sighs, rubbing her temples to try and elevate her impending headache. "You can't try and make your boyfriend fight him either." She reminds him. This was ridiculous. All she needed right now was running after her loved ones and arguing them out of committing bodily harm.

"Whatever." Edward says darkly. "He's not allowed to hurt you." He added sulkily; sounding just like he did when they were eight and met in the class for gifted youngsters.

She threw her hands into the air. "It happens!" She cries out, exasperated with this sudden and unnecessary level of over-protectiveness. "Look, I didn't even punch Bella really hard on the arm like I promised when you two broke up, but you can bet I was upset! It was my best friend and my oldest friend deciding to separate!" She forced herself to say her next words softly, "I don't doubt that you care about me, let's just go to my house." She tells him. Edward heaved a large sigh, arms crossed as he begins to nod, albeit reluctantly.

"Alice?" Oh god. It was Jasper. He's wearing his black t-shirt for bartending and he looks surprised and tired. "What are you doing here?" He asks her.

She looks between Jasper and Edward, getting extremely nervous. "Jasper!" She grins, "Oh, nothing, me and Edward were just, um, hanging out." She says, forcing her voice to be casual. She can't really justify coming here when she was the one that asked for a definite end to things. Or maybe she could, she didn't particularly want to be here, but her stupid friend forced her hand.

"Were you waiting for me?" Jasper asks, and her gut clenches at the note of hope in his voice. She just wanted this to be over.

"I was," Edward steps between them before Alice had to think of a nice way to deny it. "The hell do you think you're playing at!?" He yells, stepping up until he was almost touching noses with Jasper. Alice grabbed the back of his shirt and gave a tug, but he shrugged her off, and Jasper waved her away too. For as long as they'd known each other; they'd never gotten along. Alice was really worried about the potential of a scuffle. Edward really couldn't fight; and she couldn't stand it if her ex punched her brother in the face.

Jasper was understandably unimpressed. He was corded muscle and lithe agility while Edward only jogged when he was stressed. Jasper's slight sneer spoke for itself. "Eddie, what are you gonna do? Hit me?" Jasper asked, not taunting, but obviously rhetorical. "It'll hurt you more than me." He points out, referencing the time Ed lost his cool and tried to defend Jacob's honour in a bar and it got very messy.

Edward doesn't even sneer in return. He doesn't even try to dismiss him and step away, like he might usually. "You know full well you're being an asshole. This whole 'I didn't know we were dating thing' is a ridiculous excuse." He tells Jasper, his voice steely. "This is the exact same way you tried to prove Maria didn't mean anything to you, either." He hisses. Jasper takes a physical step back at the mention of her name, and now he scowls.

"Don't talk about her unless you want to buy the farm." Jasper snaps back, shoulders squared. Alice wants to bury her face in her hands and sink into the floor. Trust Edward to mention the woman that molested him just to pick at a different wound.

"Edward, that's enough!" She yells, stepping on his toes to get in between them. "I know you're angry for me," she said, forcing Edward to stumble back to avoid her feet as she spoke calmly, "but you can't blame Jasper because he just didn't ... think of me that way." She couldn't manage the last part in more than a mutter, because Jasper was everything she had ever wanted and was right there behind her.

Jasper's voice was heavy as he said; "Alice-"

"It was wrong of us to come, okay?" Alice prompted, grabbing Edward by the back of his shirt to start dragging him away from the situation. She knew if you drag his shirt, Edward would follow to avoid exposing himself. "We're going – Ed!" She hisses when he protested, tugging harder on his shirt. "We're going."

She dragged him to his Volvo, shoved him into the passenger side, and climbed into the driver's seat herself. She pushed the seat forward for her short legs. And with barely a glance in the side mirror, she scratched off, probably leaving skids on the street.

0o0

Jasper was an observant person; Alice wouldn't go as far to say he was as selfless as being considerate, but he picked up on body language and social cues like a son-of-a-bitch. Plus, he'd been inside Alice enough times in half a year to know her pretty well personally. He knew showing up at her house and bugging her when she was trying to decompress wouldn't go down well at all.

On the other hand, making her look good in front of other people could prove fruitful.

Alice came into work with nothing but finished the shading for the new order of posters that had to be set to the printers by the end of the day. She didn't expect anything, and took her time making herself a very strong cup of tea before she went over to her desk.

There was a small crowd at her desk. Nervous about an impromptu constructive criticism session about the posters, she clears her throat. Jennifer grinned when she turned around and saw her and went over to nudge her with her elbow.

"I am _so_ jealous of you!" She all but squeals. "That cutie of yours sending you flowers – how'd he fuck up?" She asks eagerly.

There was a small bouquet of yellow roses. She gingerly picked it up and read the card.

 _Hoping the happy color will cheer up my sad darlin - Jazz_

She stared at it too long, and Jennifer repeats her question. "Well …" Alice begins, feeling put on the spot a bit, "He knows what he did!" She snaps, and that gets a delighted laugh out the group.

They split off after, and Alice leaves the flowers between a reference book and her novelty alien drawing mannequin. Even when Jennifer gives her a high-five at the end of the day, reminding her to 'make him dish out for that steak dinner!' Alice doesn't feel any sense of giddiness herself.

0o0

That night, Alice just got out of the shower when her door was pounded on. Surprised, and content to ignore it until they went away, Alice finishes drying her hair, until familiar voices started jokingly cursing her out and demanded she let them in.

Opening the door revealed Katie and Sammy.

"Bitch, put some clothes on!" Sammy yelled, her cheeks flushed with drink. "We're going to a party!" She howled, and Alice ushered them inside before any of her neighbours want to yell at her.

She hadn't been out in weeks, though, and they'd been fortunate enough to catch her in a mood that she wanted to leave in. She fluffed her hair, put her face on, along with something short and shimmery, and they whisked her into an old warehouse, already alive with a local brass band.

Katie pushes a drink into her hand, and they lead her straight to a group of Jasper's friends. She'd missed them all, and she knew she was safe to say hi now. Jasper never goes where drinking happens, and they all lament her estranging them.

"We can't be punished for his mistakes!" Rosalie insists with a pout.

"Yeah, I really don't do well with discipline, Ally." Peter explained to her with a wolfish grin.

"Okay, okay!" Alice yells with a laugh, "we're all best friends again!" She declares, and they cheer's noisily. She's feeling good to get out the apologies and promises to hang out more.

Alice is draining the last of her drink, as Sammy urges her to catch up, before she hears his voice, cutting through the hub-bub and chatter the way only he could. "See?" He asks, his voice warm like honey. "They don't think you should be embarrassed." He murmured into her ear.

Alice feels her gut twist badly, and she's worried she might lose her drink. She's worried she might see _him_ drink. It seemed it was Jasper's say-so that had her invited out for the first time in weeks. It seemed Jasper was running the risk of even coming here for her. But Alice doesn't let herself feel guilty; she didn't want him to come. She takes a step forward, away from him, and tries to slide herself away.

"Yeah, it just makes my anxiety melt away." She muttered. She glanced up; hoping that one of the girls wanted to dance. But they'd all melted into the crowds. Alice felt awfully betrayed, for a moment, until she remembers – they _were_ his friends first, and still his friends now.

But Jasper's eyes were dark and intent on her. It made her shiver, and not in a bad way. "Eddie was right." He said softly.

She's thrown, and for a moment she can't remember who 'Eddie' is. "What?" She asks dumbly.

"I'm not a fuckin idiot." Jasper told her, his voice both wrecked and steady. She focuses on the fact that his voice was steady, and that was a good sign. "I don't walk around with my head in the clouds. I knew you felt strongly about me."

Alice started shaking her head, eyes swivelling about to find the exit. "I don't really want to do this right here, right now." She said quickly.

"I felt the same way, Ally." Jasper said, his expression breaking open into something hurtful and hurting. "I didn't have what I had with you, with anyone else." He says seriously, "You can even ask them. They would love to complain about me." He adds, just one corner of his mouth quirking up. Alice felt trapped; she couldn't see a door and she wasn't paying attention when she first walked in.

And she felt trapped by her own lingering, pathetic feelings. "Jasper, it's more than that … or it's less than that." Alice said, her fingers curling into his jacket, her back pressed against the corrugated iron wall. She wondered just when they moved to such a secluded spot. "I'm not the 'we don't need labels' type. I want it to be special and _exclusive_ and just the two of us." She said, sniffling a little. It was childish and needy; Jasper was so much more mature than her.

Jasper's voice was at her ear. "You don't think I know that?" he asks, almost tenderly, incredulously, amused. "I know you're a romantic, it's why you didn't know I was still …" from their proximity, Alice can't see his face, just his throat and mouth. His Adam's apple bobs, his voice was hitched, "that I was cheating on you. It was always you who had my full attention, all the time.

"You had me wrapped around your finger, and you know it." He said softly, and there's nothing accusing in his tone, he almost sounded happy. Alice doesn't want to agree; but she knew. She knew he _preferred_ her, and that he was attentive, and everything a boyfriend should be. Almost everything she needed. "When I say, 'friends with a lil' extra', that's literally it. But it wasn't with you." And all Alice remembered was his guilty ' _I didn't know we were … a thing_ '.

She hitched her shoulders up, defensive as she spat; "Yes it _was_ -"

"I don't wait out in the rain for friends to finish their fashion design classes," Jasper almost growls with his fierceness. "I don't let just anyone feed my cat. There were my friends, and then there was _you_." Alice wanted to melt; she wanted to get Jasper to whisper all these sweet things to her all night and wake up tomorrow with him hilted in her, but he _knew_ her, and he knew this was what she wanted to hear.

"It's also embarrassing if our relationship hinges on whether or not I make you call me your girlfriend." She pointed out tersely. "It just makes me seem shallow."

Jasper gives a throaty chuckle. "Well it'd be a _very_ mutual decision." He assures her.

"And then what?" She snaps, wiggling for space, making him step away. "You're right, you _did_ treat me like a girlfriend, and I loved it," she said, her heart was now just hurt beating through her body, "but I didn't even know about Rosalie, and I probably would always worry there was another girl I didn't know about either."

"What?" Jasper's tongue and eyes were sharp. "Why bring her up again, Rosalie said you made up?" He prompted, glaring off to the side.

Like a shadow, Rosalie was there, punching his arm. "I thought we did!" She snapped. Turning to Alice, her tone became placating. "Honestly, it's like sharing the same dildo, but its sentient-"

Alice grabbed her by the forearms, gently, and shook her head. "No, this isn't about you, I promise." Alice said sternly, and stepped away, to look at Jasper. "It's about how I can't trust _you_." She told him. "You know how relationships work, you know how _I_ work, but you still didn't break it off. Why?" She asks.

At that, Jasper looks caught-out, and uneasy. Rosalie is gone again, and Alice really wished she stayed. "I don't – it's like …" He stutters, and Alice is stunned because careful silence and gentle words were Jasper; he never stuttered. "I couldn't put everything on you." He says, looking emptier with every word he got out. "You and your bird-shoulders; I didn't want to crush you under the weight of my own issues. I didn't want you to see the ugly sides of my recovery." He admits.

Alice might have laughed in his face, she's not sure. Because for all his fears of crushing her, more than his issues, those words made her feel as thin as paper. He never trusted her or wanted to rely on her. This was worse than not being satisfied with just her sexually; Jasper wasn't even satisfied with her ability to handle his baggage.

Alice takes a step back, and another. She can barely think to breathe right now. "Well then we both have our own issues to sort out," Alice tells him quickly, knowing she had to get out of this place. Knowing _he_ had to get out of this place, even if she couldn't stand to be around him right now. "And I want good things for you, and maybe that's easier to achieve further apart-" despite herself, she throws up, all over the concrete floor. She doesn't even let him have the chance to process this and runs before he can try and leap over her vomit puddle and chase after her.

0o0

A day later, Jasper had broken his twenty-month sobriety. Peter called Alice on Saturday night, fearful, asking for help. She came over, and Jasper sat with a few bottles, and Peter scurried off, apologising, promising to come back straight after he returned the chips and got Jasper's sponsor.

Alice stood there, feeling guilty and a little sick. Jasper wasn't violent or dangerous in any way when he was drunk. But he was very sad and silent. He was more of a shell than a person, sitting on the kitchen floor, in front of the sink he'd just thrown up in.

She reaches out to do something, pet his head or his hand, but he shifts away. She picks up the bottles instead; puts them in the trash.

"Don't you feel sorry for me," He mutters, his slur thankfully less of the alcohol and more of his Southern roots. "I did this to myself. Garret will be here soon." He added. Garret was a father of three college-aged boys, and he'd been sober for over thirty years.

Alice doesn't know what to do. Maybe Jasper was right; she _didn't_ know how to handle him. "I'm sorry, Jasper." She mutters, hands clenched at her sides. She can't look at him for too long; she was scared she'd try and search for something familiar in his eyes and not see anything there she could recognise.

Jasper shakes his bowed head. "No, no guilt." He muttered wetly. "I did this, and I messed up and I don't get to have you anymore." His shoulders hitched as he scoffed. "Not that I ever did."

"Jasper," Alice started, but Jasper shook his head again, and she didn't even know what she was going to say in the first place.

Jasper chuckles with no mirth. "I'm not the boyfriend type, I'm the type that testifies as the other man in an infidelity-dissolved marriage when I was fourteen." He muttered. Alice hates that he was fixating on Maria right now, and that the bitch was still walking free, as though she didn't scare a boy all the way out of Texas. "I did the same thing to you." He said, eyes very shiny as he looks up at her. "I didn't know Maria was married, you didn't know me and Rose were-"

"Were nothing!" She said quickly, kneeling on the floor in front of him. "You and Rosalie were nothing but friends. You said it yourself; it was different with us, wasn't it?" She prompted quickly, panic tightening her shoulders and her already fake smile.

Jasper smiles at her, crumbled and sad. " _Yeah_ , it was perfect." He breathes.

Alice wants to tell him that it hadn't been perfect. That her dad had thrown a fit when she told him Jasper was in recovery, that she felt so sad every time she went to meetings with him and heard all their sad, desperate stories. That she felt scared right now for all the effort that had culminated into _this_. She wanted to tell him that it had been _good_ , and it could have been _great_. But she couldn't say it right now, she couldn't say anything at all.

"Jasper?" The front door opens, and Garrett pops his head inside. He sees Alice, staring balefully at him, and walks around the dining table to get into the kitchen. "Jasper …." He takes in the boy's state, peeks into the trash and counts the bottles and turns to Alice. "I'm going to need you to leave right now, dear, alright?" He prompts, and Alice nods, standing up quickly, not wanting to be in the way. "Why don't I call you later?" He suggests.

She shakes her head. "No, that's alright, I'm sure he will." She says. "Um, Garret." She nods at him as she steps by him, and glances back at Jasper, slumped against the cupboards. "Jasper, I'm sorry." She says again, and this time he bobs his head once.

Alice _was_ sorry; but it was only because he relapsed, which was an awfully sorry thing to happen. She wasn't sorry for what they had been, whatever it had been. She couldn't find it in herself to regret it enough.

0o0

Jasper doesn't call her. There's a text the next day to ask her to come to a meeting with him, and she said she would, and he said he'd arrange it, but that was it.

It's a week after that he shows up on her doorstep. She already dressed and ready to go to AA with him. She knows the one he prefers; the kindly Dr. Cullen who held meetings out of the VA hospital.

Jasper's quiet; only hums to any of her questions, so she stops asking. It was obvious he was trying to save his energy for group. "So, after all that big talk …" he glances down at her with a small shrug, "no second chances for me." He almost chuckled.

Alice bumps his elbow with her shoulder. "I know what you mean." She said quietly, because she did. He just relapsed; he was haggard, and disappointed in himself. He couldn't be in a relationship right now, and she didn't want to be in one either. "Getting better is more important." She agreed, and it was easy to agree.

Because in a few months; after he got back on his feet, regained his confidence, became his steady self again. She might ask if he needed someone to feed his cat.

* * *

My only regret is that I couldn't fit Emmett in here; in my defence, he's a big guy. Lemme know what you think!


End file.
